How to Make People Feel Heard—Even When You Can’t Say Yes

An employee brings you an idea. A customer explains a frustrating experience. Before they finish, you already have an answer.

But have you heard what matters most to them?

In Episode 277 of the Customer Service Revolution Podcast, John R. DiJulius III welcomes Lisa Duran, a former DiJulius Group consultant whose experience spans healthcare leadership, patient experience, and internal culture.

Lisa joins John to discuss her book, Strong Enough to Listen, and how listening skills for leaders shape both employee experience and customer experience.

The conversation explores a choice leaders face every day: move immediately to the problem, or first make room for the person experiencing it. Lisa calls it choosing “person over problem.” It means staying present, getting curious, and helping someone feel understood—even when you disagree or cannot deliver what they want.

Build Trust Through Everyday Conversations

Choose Person Over Problem

Listening begins before a solution is available. Lisa explains why leaders can choose to care about someone’s perspective before deciding whether they can fix the issue.

That choice matters in conversations with employees, customers, patients, and family members. People need to know their perspective matters, including when the outcome cannot change.

Use “Yes, And” Without Promising Agreement

Lisa shares her CLR model: choose person over problem, listen to care, and respond with “yes, and.”

Acknowledging someone’s perspective does not require approving a request. John and Lisa demonstrate this through a conversation about an employee asking for a promotion.

A leader can recognize the employee’s contributions, explain a budget constraint, and invite ideas about a path forward—all within the same conversation.

Model the Listening You Expect From Your Team

What experience do your employees receive when they bring you a concern?

Lisa challenges leaders to examine the example they create internally. If employees do not feel listened to, what are they learning about how to handle their own customer conversations?

John and Lisa discuss why leaders need to demonstrate the care they want their teams to extend to others.

Interrupt Less and Discover What Matters

John shares the reminder he keeps on his screen: WAIT—Why Am I Talking?

Writing down an idea instead of immediately interrupting gives the other person room to explain the real concern. By the time the speaker finishes, some of those initial responses may no longer matter.

Lisa describes a similar lesson from carrying a notebook for a year to manage the urge to jump in.

Ask for the Story Behind the Score

A customer experience score can identify a signal. A conversation can reveal what happened.

Lisa encourages leaders to ask what one thing could have improved the experience and listen for details they can act on.

The episode also explores curiosity, human connection in an AI-enabled world, and the ability to remain kind while communicating a different perspective or a firm boundary.

Your next conversation is an opportunity to practice. Ask a follow-up question. Let the answer finish. Make the person feel heard before you move toward the solution.

Listen to Episode 277

Key Takeaways

• Listening requires a deliberate choice to stay present, especially when a conversation feels uncomfortable.
• Choose person over problem before deciding whether you can fulfill the request.
• Lisa’s CLR model stands for choose person over problem, listen to care, and respond with “yes, and.”
• Acknowledgment can coexist with disagreement, budget limits, and clear expectations.
• Leaders model the listening habits their employees bring to customer interactions.
• Write down your response instead of interrupting; the full story may change what you need to say.
• Ask follow-up questions that explore the other person’s experience.
• Look beyond customer scores to the specific stories behind them.
• Use technology thoughtfully while preserving opportunities for human connection.
• The same listening habits can strengthen relationships at work and at home.

Memorable Quotes

“Truly listening makes a person feel heard and understood.”
— Lisa Duran

“Are we willing to sit in discomfort without trying to fix it or win the point?”
— Lisa Duran

“Listening helps you remember the person.”
— Lisa Duran

“I can be kind and not soft.”
— Lisa Duran

Chapters

Source transcript timecodes; verify against the final audio or video. The supplied transcript begins at 00:59.

• 00:00 Opening—verify against final edit
• 00:59 Meet Lisa Duran and Strong Enough to Listen
• 03:02 Lessons from healthcare and customer experience
• 03:50 Why listening requires strength
• 05:46 Presence at work and at home
• 07:26 Choosing person over problem
• 08:15 Listening with an open mind
• 10:59 Why listening matters to customer experience
• 11:43 The role of curiosity
• 12:58 The CLR listening model and customer feedback
• 14:56 How “yes, and” works
• 16:18 Responding to a promotion request
• 16:53 When employees don’t feel heard
• 17:31 AI and human connection
• 18:38 Why leaders need to listen to their teams first
• 19:40 WAIT: Why Am I Talking?
• 22:01 A year with a notebook
• 23:43 Being kind without being soft
• 24:19 Asking better follow-up questions
• 25:33 Lisa’s book and where to connect

Show-Notes Links

• Customer Service Revolution Podcast
• The DiJulius Group
• Lisa Duran on LinkedIn
• Find Strong Enough to Listen on Amazon — Amazon search link
• Strong Enough to Listen — Books-A-Million

Frequently Asked Questions

How can leaders improve their listening skills?

Give the other person time to finish, ask follow-up questions, and write down thoughts you might otherwise interrupt to share. In this episode, John uses WAIT—Why Am I Talking?—as a reminder to stay focused on the speaker.

What does choosing person over problem mean?

Lisa Duran describes it as choosing to care about someone’s perspective before deciding whether you can solve the issue. You can help someone feel heard even when you cannot grant a request.

What is Lisa Duran’s CLR model?

CLR means choose person over problem, listen to care, and respond with “yes, and.” It gives leaders a way to acknowledge a person before discussing constraints, differences, or next steps.

Does “yes, and” mean agreeing with everything?

No. The “yes” acknowledges that someone’s perspective matters. The “and” creates room to explain a different perspective, a limit, or a possible next step.

How does employee listening connect to customer experience?

Lisa argues that leaders need to demonstrate internally the listening and care they expect employees to provide externally. Team conversations give employees an everyday example of how to treat customers.

Links:

Employee Experience Revolution Book: https://thedijuliusgroup.com/product/the-employee-experience-revolution-pre-sale/

Experience Revolution Membership:  https://thedijuliusgroup.com/membership/